A Modest Proposal: Relocating Whining Old Liberals for a Harmonious America
Esteemed Readers,
In light of the recent musings from our distinguished Senator Jim Banks of Indiana, who has so graciously identified the “Democrats” among us as royal pains unworthy of representation, it seems only fitting that we, the Whining Old Liberals, consider his subtle nudge as an invitation to explore new horizons. After all, who are we to impose upon the tranquility of a nation that no longer cherishes our enlightened perspectives?
Our Humble Terms for Departure:
1. Equitable Compensation: We request that our homes and belongings be purchased at fair market value. It’s only fair that our contributions to the local property taxes be acknowledged with appropriate remuneration.
2. Relocation Stipend: A generous budget to facilitate our move to foreign lands, inclusive of provisions for our beloved pets. Our furry companions, after all, have been subjected to the same political drudgery and deserve a fresh start.
3. Social Security Continuity: Assurances that our monthly Social Security checks will continue to grace our American bank accounts, allowing us to stimulate foreign economies with the vigor we’ve applied here.
4. Annual Pilgrimages: Three all-expenses-paid trips back to the homeland each year, so we may visit the progeny we’ve left behind and remind them of the virtues of critical thinking.
Top 10 Destinations for the Discerning Liberal Expatriate:
1. Portugal: Renowned for its warm climate, affordable living, and vibrant culture, Portugal offers a serene environment for retirees.
2. Spain: With its rich history, diverse landscapes, and excellent healthcare, Spain is a top choice for those seeking a fulfilling retirement.
3. Costa Rica: Celebrated for its biodiversity and peaceful living, Costa Rica provides a welcoming atmosphere for expatriates.
4. Panama: Offering a blend of urban and natural attractions, Panama is known for its retiree-friendly policies and modern amenities.
5. Mexico: Close to home yet rich in culture, Mexico offers affordable living and a variety of climates to suit different preferences.
6. France: For those who appreciate fine wine, art, and a high quality of life, France remains an attractive destination.
7. Malaysia: Combining modern infrastructure with exotic locales, Malaysia is both affordable and exciting for retirees.
8. Italy: Steeped in history and culinary delights, Italy offers a rich cultural experience for those seeking la dolce vita.
9. Uruguay: Known for its stable economy and beautiful coastlines, Uruguay provides a peaceful retreat for expatriates.
10. New Zealand: With its stunning landscapes and friendly communities, New Zealand is ideal for those seeking adventure and tranquility.
Final Musings:
As we prepare our exodus, let us remember that our departure is not a retreat but a gracious acquiescence to the desires of those who find our presence burdensome. We shall take our whining, our liberalism, and our unwavering commitment to progress to lands that welcome such traits with open arms. And in doing so, we leave behind a nation purified of our dissent, free to bask in the homogeneity it so evidently craves.
Bon voyage, fellow liberals. The world awaits our enlightenment.
Julie Bolejack, MBA
