Congressional Censorship & The Lost Art of the Duel

Ladies, gentlemen, and those with functioning moral compasses,

It has come to my attention—along with the attention of anyone still possessing a pulse and a newspaper subscription—that Representative Al Green was censured for daring to rise from his seat during one of former-president-turned-apparent-monarch Donald Trump’s latest forays into public delusion, otherwise known as a speech. Yes, dear readers, in a chamber supposedly dedicated to “democracy,” the good Congressman was reprimanded for a breach of decorum—decorum, a concept so loosely defined in that establishment that it allows lying, bribery, and book deals but evidently frowns upon standing up.

Now, the astute among you may recall a time when American politics involved a bit more… courage. In an era our former-president-in-exile seems hell-bent on recreating, there was a noble tradition—one might even say honorable—for settling such grievous offenses as disrespecting an autocrat. That tradition, my friends, was the duel.

Had the honorable Representative Green simply followed the customs of the past that Mr. Trump seems to revere (chief among them, I assume, is the part where the rich white men make all the rules), he would have challenged the former president to a gentlemanly duel at dawn. Perhaps on the National Mall, framed by the Washington Monument, as fitting a place as any for an exhibition of the Constitution’s remaining shreds of dignity.

I, for one, would pay good money to see such a spectacle. Can you imagine? The former and returning president, wig askew, squinting down the barrel of a pistol held in fingers more accustomed to gripping golf clubs and fast-food wrappers? Meanwhile, Representative Green, steady as a man with both morals and muscle memory, would stand ready to defend the honor of actual democracy.

Of course, dueling is technically illegal. But so is defrauding charities, stealing classified documents, and attempting to overthrow the government, and yet, here we are!

So, dear readers, I ask you: If we are to be dragged backward into history by a man so enamored with the past that he mistakes himself for a king, should we not, at the very least, enjoy the best parts of history? If censorship is in fashion, let us also resurrect honor. If standing is too offensive, let us stand and fight.

Congress may wish to hush Representative Green, but as long as there are those of us willing to recognize courage when we see it, the fight is far from over.

Yours in defiance,
A Humble Citizen Who Will Not Sit Down or Shut Up

Julie Bolejack, MBA