Full Court Press: How the Administration Took Its Shot at the NBA

My imagination ran wild on this one! Because up is down and down is up…possible.

Once upon a time in the United States of Trumpistan, where laws are more like suggestions and ethics are about as sturdy as a wet napkin at a hot dog stand, the Administration decided it was time to expand the family business. After all, the art of the deal doesn’t end at real estate—it just changes arenas.

The big guy, His Orange Eminence, had been watching the NBA rake in billions from betting partnerships—DraftKings, FanDuel, little logos on every jersey like corporate tattoos on professional athletes. Everyone was getting a piece of the action except, of course, the one man who truly deserved it.

”Twenty percent,” the President reportedly said, sipping a Diet Coke and twirling a gold Sharpie like a mobster’s cigar. “That’s the cut for the house.”

No one dared ask which “house.”

The Proposal

The administration sent its finest negotiators—meaning, the ones not yet indicted—to make an offer to NBA Commissioner Adam Silver. They arrived at league headquarters dressed like the cast of Goodfellas: D.C. Edition.

“Nice little league you got here,” one aide said. “Be a shame if anything… happened to it.”

Silver blinked. “Are you threatening the NBA?”

“Threatening?” said the aide, flashing his lapel pin. “We’re offering protection. Against the bad guys.”

“The bad guys?”

“The Mafia,” the aide whispered dramatically.

“Doesn’t the FBI handle that?” Silver asked.

The aide smirked. “Exactly.”

The Rejection

Silver, being both bald and bold, refused. “The NBA doesn’t pay tribute to political campaigns,” he said. “We’re not a casino.”

That was a mistake. Within 24 hours, the president had called the league “a woke gambling cartel that hates Jesus and underpays white players.” State media (a.k.a. Fox’s B-Team) began running segments titled Basketball or Blood Money? and LeBron’s Leftist Layup.

Meanwhile, the administration hinted that the Department of Justice might “take a look” at “widespread corruption in professional sports.”

The Shakedown

A few days later, the FBI—now affectionately nicknamed the “Federal Business Intervention”—launched Operation Slam Dunk, investigating “organized gambling activity” within the NBA. Agents swarmed arenas, seized laptops, and took statements from confused point guards who thought they were filming a Gatorade commercial.

The press secretary, standing before the nation in a blazer the color of bruised fruit, explained it all:

“The President is simply cleaning up corruption. He’s always been tough on the mob.”

Reporters politely didn’t mention that most of the “mobsters” the administration had invited to dinner now worked in Cabinet positions.

The Conspiracy Expands

Within days, rumors spread that the FBI had “discovered ties” between the NBA and the Mafia—a word the administration used so liberally it now meant anyone who refused to pay a licensing fee to Mar-a-Lago.

According to one anonymous source (a guy named Tony who runs a pizza joint in Jersey), the Mafia had infiltrated halftime shows, replacing dance teams with unionized bookies.

The administration ran with it. “We’re restoring integrity to the game!” the President declared at a rally. “No more gambling unless it’s supervised by the people you trust most—me!”

The crowd roared. Somewhere in the background, a guy wearing a MAGA visor tried to bet $50 on how long the speech would last.

The Arrests

FBI raids followed. At first, several low-level NBA employees were charged—most for forgetting to report side bets in fantasy leagues. One assistant coach was taken in for “looking Italian.” The administration quickly declared victory.

“Justice has been served!” the President announced. “We took down the Mafia, the NBA, and the woke gambling cabal. America is safe again!”

Reporters asked whether any actual mob figures were arrested. “Working on it,” he said. “But you know—deep state interference, very unfair.”

The Epilogue

The next week, the President unveiled TrumpSportsBet, a patriotic betting platform where every wager came with a small “administrative fee” for “election security.” Bets included:

• “Which player will stand for the anthem?”
• “Will LeBron flee to China by halftime?”
• “How many indictments before Friday?”

It was a massive success among supporters who still thought “the spread” referred to fake news about vaccines.

Meanwhile, the FBI quietly closed Operation Slam Dunk, citing “lack of evidence and general embarrassment.” The NBA returned to normal—meaning it continued making more money than any political campaign ever could.

As for the administration, it claimed moral victory. “We exposed corruption,” the President tweeted. “And if the league wants to make peace, I’m always open to… negotiation.”

He attached a photo of himself holding a basketball like it was the nuclear football.

Moral of the Story:

When the government becomes the house, the game’s always rigged. But don’t worry—there’s a new bet every week, and the odds always favor the one writing the rules.

This is a story I created after seeing the recent arrests: Players, Coach, Mafia..who knows where this will end. Crime in professional sports..oh my, who woulda guessed 😀

Julie Bolejack, MBA