Hegseth is an idiot, AGAIN!
Pete Hegseth Declares War on Women—By Accidentally Firing at His Own Troops
Oh Pete. Sweet, overconfident Pete. Once again, Fox News’ finest bearded blunderbuss has stepped in it with both boots and a mouth full of “I didn’t check.” In a dazzling display of self-ownage, Hegseth proudly took to the airwaves to announce he had personally axed a military program aimed at developing female leaders—because, of course, anything that might empower women must surely be the nefarious work of Sleepy Joe and his cabal of woke gender-fluid witches, right?
Wrong. So wrong, in fact, that it would’ve taken Pete approximately 3.5 seconds of Googling to discover that this particular program—drumroll please—was actually a Trump-era initiative. Yes, that Trump. The same guy Fox hosts cry over like he’s a golden retriever going off to war. The same guy whose name Pete probably carved into a pumpkin last Halloween.
And the architects of this alleged feminist menace? None other than South Dakota Governor Kristi Noem (she of the dog-shooting memoir fame) and Senator Marco “Thirsty on Live TV” Rubio. That’s right—this wasn’t cooked up in a Berkeley gender studies department. It came straight from the MAGA kitchen.
But Pete, ever the fearless culture warrior, looked at this female leadership program and said: “Woke!” before canceling it like a Fox News intern who accidentally used the pronoun “they” on-air. There was just one small hiccup. It had nothing to do with Biden. It wasn’t woke. It wasn’t even slightly lavender. It was vintage Republican policy—served on a red, white, and blue platter.
Now, in any functioning universe, this would be a moment for humility. A “my bad.” A “wow, turns out I torpedoed something we actually started.” But Pete is a veteran of the War on Accountability. He powered through, smirking like a kid who just threw a rock through his own window and blamed Antifa.
Let’s be clear: the program wasn’t some radical leftist plot to turn drill sergeants into doulas. It was designed to recruit and support female military leaders in an era when the Pentagon is struggling to fill the ranks. You’d think “support the troops” extended to the ones who wear ponytails under their Kevlar, but Pete prefers a more… selective patriotism.
The real kicker? The program had actual results. Women who completed it stayed in the service longer, pursued leadership roles, and—gasp!—made the military better. But who needs facts when you can just foam at the mouth over the word “inclusion” like it’s a foreign invader storming the beaches of Normandy?
So thanks, Pete. In your rush to erase Biden’s imaginary woke empire, you bulldozed Trump’s legacy. Honestly, if irony were a drug, we’d all be OD’ing.
Maybe next time, give Google a whirl before launching your next ideological airstrike. Or at least ask an intern to fact-check your tantrum.
SMDH,
Julie Bolejack, MBA
