IF HELL EXISTS, IT WILL BE FILLED WITH MAGA

A Mindful Activist Newsletter

December Edition

Opening Reflections: A Warm Welcome to Our Fiery Times

December is supposed to be the season of light, peace, mulled wine, and pretending we actually enjoy peppermint-flavored anything. Yet here we are once again navigating a political landscape that feels less Silent Night and more The Exorcist: American Edition.

If hell exists—and trust me, I’ve read enough history books and Facebook comment sections to believe it’s at least in beta testing—it will not be a fiery pit of eternal suffering. Oh no. It will look exactly like a Trump rally held inside a Bass Pro Shops, narrated by Charlie Kirk, lit by fluorescent bulbs, and scented with the despair of unpaid legal fees.

Because let’s be honest: MAGA has done more to prove hell’s existence than Dante, Voltaire, and every Catholic nun combined.

SECTION I: THE ARCHITECTURE OF MAGA HELL

Picture it.

A vast, windowless Costco where the only free samples are ivermectin gummies and pamphlets about replacing the Department of Education with Pastor Bob’s Homeschool Hut. Everywhere you turn, someone is yelling about “REAL AMERICANS” while wearing a hat made in the very foreign country they claim to fear.

In one corner, Rudy Giuliani is melting like a forgotten candle in a Florida garage. In another, Stephen Miller is drafting new immigration policies with the enthusiasm of a man who has never once enjoyed a carbohydrate.

The thermostat is permanently set to outrage, and the Muzak?

Just Trump speeches on loop with no verbs.

SECTION II: THE RESIDENTS OF MAGA HELL

MAGA hell isn’t for ordinary conservatives. No, regular conservatives get purgatory—eternal waiting in line at a Cracker Barrel.

MAGA hell is specifically reserved for:

• People who call themselves Christian but behave like the casting directors for the Hunger Games.
• Folks who believe compassion is a “liberal conspiracy.”
• Individuals convinced that owning 37 flags and 14 guns is a substitute for personality.
• Anyone who uses the phrase “I did my own research” but still gets scammed by Facebook memes and Nigerian princes.
• The “just asking questions” crowd—who somehow never asks questions like “Why am I like this?”

And front row?

The politicians who know better… and do worse.

They’ll be seated at the VIP table next to Mitch McConnell, who will still be trying to decide what facial expression to use.

SECTION III: WHAT MAKES MAGA HELL TRULY HELLISH

Forget fire and brimstone. MAGA hell’s torments are psychological:

• Every five minutes, Lauren Boebert bursts into a movie theater with a vape.
• The only reading material is the Constitution, incorrectly summarized by Kash Patel.
• The internet exists, but the only website that loads is Truth Social.
• Every conversation begins with, “ACTUALLY, Joe Biden…”
• You must spend eternity explaining basic facts to someone who believes windmills cause cancer.

And the worst punishment?

Every resident must listen—forever—to Trump explaining how he “just barely lost” a pickleball match to Jesus.

SECTION IV: THE ANTIDOTE (A.K.A. US)

But here’s the good news:

We’re not going to hell. We’re the ones holding the fire extinguisher.

We are the people who:

• Still believe facts matter
• Still believe compassion is not weakness
• Still believe that loving your neighbor includes, at minimum, not trying to deport them
• Still believe democracy is worth the effort and the Advil

We are the reason this country hasn’t drifted entirely into authoritarian cosplay.

And every time we speak up, organize, vote, march, donate, or simply refuse to let fascism be the soundtrack of our golden years—we turn the temperature down a notch.

We are the cooling breeze drifting through a very overheated American moment.

CLOSING: A DECEMBER BLESSING

As we head into this final month of the year, may your days be merry, bright, and fully vaccinated.

May your spirit stay warm, your humor stay sharp, and your boundaries stay locked like Fort Knox when the crazies come knocking.

And may we all commit—boldly, loudly, joyfully—to keeping hell exactly where it belongs:

A hypothetical place filled with MAGA…

not a place we allow them to turn America into.

Onward,

Julie — The Mindful Activist

Julie Bolejack, MBA