Verse 1: In the land where shadows grow, Truth’s a seed we seldom sow. Voices silenced, freedoms sold, Dreams are bought with tarnished gold. Chorus: Can you hear the people cry? Underneath a darkened sky. Stand together, hand in hand, Reclaim the soul of this great land. Verse 2:
Dear Fellow Americans, Gather ‘round, citizens, and take a bow. For decades, the world gazed upon our great nation with a mixture of admiration, jealousy, and begrudging respect. They watched our movies, ate our cheeseburgers, and dreamed of a life filled with 401(k)s, strip malls, and freedom fries.
Dear Fellow Patriots and Survivors, Well, well, well. Here we are, basking in the warm, comforting glow of America’s Second Coming—or so we’re told. The Trump Administration is back in full swing (assuming it hasn’t been replaced by AI Trump, who will soon assure us that
Dear Fellow Patriots, Get out your calculators and start planning—because thanks to the brilliant minds in Washington, we are about to be RICH! That’s right, the tariffs on foreign goods are set to soar, and according to the ever-reliable White House Press Secretary, Karoline Leavitt, this means we,
Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, patriots and billionaires alike—welcome to the grandest, most luxurious, most patriotically profitable transformation in American history! That’s right, our 45th (and maybe 47th, depending on how much democracy we can shake loose) president, Donald J. Trump, has done it again. No longer
Dear Friends, Lovers of Reason, and Survivors of Social Media, It is with great reluctance (and a stiff drink in hand) that I must inform you of a grave threat to our civilization. No, not war, famine, or the unholy union of cargo shorts and dress shoes. I speak of
Dear Fellow Seekers of Sanity, Well, folks, here we are—Trump’s Second Term, otherwise known as Groundhog Day: Constitutional Crisis Edition. While the Democrats in Congress did their level best to demonstrate resistance during the State of the Union—some held up signs, others walked out, a few sat
In a world that often moves at a dizzying pace, finding inspiration can be the beacon that guides us through the fog. It‘a in the quiet moments of the morning, as the world awakes in a symphony of colors, reminding us of the endless possibilities each day holds. It’
In his recent marathon State of the Union address, President Donald Trump casually mentioned that his policies might cause “a little disturbance.” A little disturbance? That’s like calling a hurricane a gentle breeze. Let’s dive into the maelstrom of chaos he’s unleashed and ponder the dystopian future
Ladies, gentlemen, and those with functioning moral compasses, It has come to my attention—along with the attention of anyone still possessing a pulse and a newspaper subscription—that Representative Al Green was censured for daring to rise from his seat during one of former-president-turned-apparent-monarch Donald Trump’s latest forays
Ladies and Gentlemen, Fellow Victims of Recycled Ramblings, It is with great reluctance that I bring you this urgent plea: Donald J. Trump—pardon me, DonOld Trump—needs new material. I know, I know. It’s difficult to improve upon the classics: the grievances, the self-pity, the finger-pointing at windmills
My fellow Americans, What a time to be alive! Never before in history have we seen anything quite like this—because never before in history has a democracy so enthusiastically uninstalled itself. Some said it couldn’t be done, but folks, we did it. And I mean bigly. Let’s