The Art of the (Raw) Deal: 10 Surefire Signs We’re Not Great Yet

Julie Bolejack

— 2 min read
The Art of the (Raw) Deal: 10 Surefire Signs We’re Not Great Yet

Dear Fellow Patriots and Survivors,

Well, well, well. Here we are, basking in the warm, comforting glow of America’s Second Coming—or so we’re told. The Trump Administration is back in full swing (assuming it hasn’t been replaced by AI Trump, who will soon assure us that robots are very fine people, too). And yet, my dear readers, as I peer out from under my Make America Sane Again hat, I find myself troubled. You see, the promised “Greatness” still eludes us.

I have thus compiled a humble list of 10 undeniable ways we know we’re still as lost as a Fox News host trying to define “woke.”

  1. Our National Debt Now Has Its Own Zip Code

Remember when debt was bad? When government spending was the devil’s work? Well, good news! Fiscal responsibility has gone the way of Trump University—sold to the highest bidder and completely abandoned. At this rate, China won’t need to invade; they’ll just foreclose.

  1. The Border is Somehow Still an Issue (Despite All That Wall Money)

We were promised the most impenetrable, luxurious wall of all time—big, beautiful, and paid for by Mexico. What we got? A fence with more holes than a Mar-a-Lago security clearance. Turns out, people with ladders are very hard to stop. Who knew?

  1. The Constitution is Now a Pick-and-Choose Menu

Remember when conservatives used to love the Constitution? Now, it’s more like a buffet at Golden Corral. The parts about guns? Holy scripture. The parts about elections and peaceful transfers of power? Optional at best.

  1. The Economy is Booming… for the Billionaires

For regular folks? Rent is higher than Hunter Biden’s legal bills, and eggs now cost more per dozen than a lap dance at Trump Tower Moscow. But don’t worry, corporate tax cuts are coming to save you—just not you, specifically.

  1. Every Press Conference is a TED Talk on Delusion

We used to have real press conferences with, you know, facts. Now, we get “alternative facts,” along with slogans, grievances, and whatever wild-eyed conspiracy theory got retweeted at 3 AM.

  1. Science is Now the Enemy

Why trust experts when you can get your medical advice from a guy selling pillows? Climate change? Fake news. Vaccines? Suspicious. Hurricanes? Definitely rigged.

  1. Justice is for the Powerful, Jail is for the Poor

Ah, yes, law and order! Unless, of course, the accused happens to be someone important, in which case it’s a witch hunt. The poor? Well, enjoy your 20 years for stealing a Snickers, peasant.

  1. Every Election is Suddenly a Coin Toss (If You Lose)

Back in the day, we counted votes, shook hands, and moved on. Now? Losing an election means calling your lawyer and filing 47 lawsuits. The only fraud happening is the fraud of pretending some people don’t have criminal indictments up to their eyeballs.

  1. The Cult of Personality Reigns Supreme

Forget policies, forget governance—we now vote based on personal loyalty to one man. This is not a democracy, my friends; this is a reality show with nuclear codes.

  1. We Still Have to Ask, “Are We Great Yet?”

I don’t know about you, but I distinctly recall being promised greatness—so much greatness we’d be sick of it. I check the news every morning, and I am sick, but not for the reasons I was promised.

Are We Great Yet?

NO. HELL NO.

Until next time, stay skeptical, stay sarcastic, and maybe start pricing property in Canada.

Your Humble Servant in Snark,
Julie Bolejack, MBA

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