The Art of Winning with Tariffs
How to Torch the Global Economy and Call It Freedom Fries
Once upon a time in the Magical Land of Free Markets, someone read half a sentence in an economics textbook, fell asleep drooling on it, and then woke up with a revelation: Tariffs for everyone! That someone, of course, is Donald J. Trump — who’s now promising, if graced with a second term, to impose sweeping tariffs on nearly every country on Earth. Not just the casual 10% he floated earlier. No, no. We’re talking 60% tariffs on China. Double-digit penalties for Europe. Tariffs so high and so wide-reaching, you’d think he was trying to win a trade war by carpet-bombing the concept of “affordable goods.”
It’s like Oprah for economic punishment: You get a tariff! And you get a tariff! Everybody gets a tariff!
Now, before we go writing thank-you notes to Beijing and Brussels for the inevitable retaliation, let’s remember: tariffs are taxes. Taxes paid not by foreign governments or international supervillains, but by American businesses and consumers. Yes, you! That new washing machine? More expensive. The parts for your car? Get ready to take out a second mortgage. That phone you’re reading this on? You may as well chisel messages into a stone tablet — it’ll be cheaper.
But according to Trump, these tariffs are genius because they’ll “bring back American jobs.” Kind of like how eating cake for every meal brings back your high school waistline. Spoiler alert: it won’t. When he tried this strategy during his first term — remember the Great Trade War of 2018–2020? — the result was lost manufacturing jobs, rising prices, and Midwest farmers getting crushed like grapes in a tariff press. The administration quietly shelled out $28 billion in emergency aid — farm welfare, basically — to patch the bleeding. That’s socialism, but with extra steps and a lot more denial.
Even conservative economists — yes, the ones who usually light scented candles to Milton Friedman — are saying this new tariff plan could be a giant inflation grenade tossed into the middle of the U.S. economy. One estimate says it could cost households over $1,700 a year, just in higher prices.
But hey — who needs affordable groceries or insulin when you’ve got economic nationalism? The real American Dream is paying triple for a toaster made in Ohio with bolts from Vietnam and wire from Canada, all because someone in a golf cart got mad at Belgium.
And let’s not forget the part where Trump proposes tariffs on friendly countries, too — like South Korea, Japan, Germany, and basically anyone not named Putin. Because when you’re trying to build international partnerships to compete with China, the best strategy is clearly to kick all your friends in the shins.
So yes, this plan is the Art of Winning with Tariffs — if your definition of “winning” includes alienating allies, stoking inflation, hurting American consumers, and igniting global trade wars while pretending to be the blue-collar messiah.
In conclusion: brilliant. Let’s all pop champagne made in America (if you can find any), toast to higher prices, and salute the man whose economic strategy seems to be “if it’s broke, break it harder.”
Next week: Trickle-Down Economics: A Love Story Between Billionaires and the Gullible.
Julie Bolejack, MBA
P.S. I hope you don’t need a new car or car repairs
P.S. More
Trey Gowdy (Former Republican Congressman) on Fox News yesterday morning claimed Trump’s tariffs will stabilize the economy and drive down high prices caused by Biden - REALLY?
What Are Tariffs?
Tariffs are taxes placed on imported goods. For example, if the U.S. imposes a 25% tariff on steel from another country, it means U.S. companies or consumers importing that steel have to pay 25% more.
Claim: Tariffs Stabilize the Economy
Reality: Mixed, often negative
In theory:
Tariffs can protect domestic industries by making imported goods more expensive, encouraging consumers to buy from local producers. This can temporarily support domestic jobs in certain sectors.
In practice:
• Tariffs disrupt global supply chains.
• Retaliatory tariffs from other countries can hurt exporters.
• Companies facing higher import costs may pass those costs to consumers or cut jobs to manage expenses.
Example: The 2018–2019 U.S.–China trade war resulted in economic uncertainty, hurt agricultural exports, and increased input costs for U.S. manufacturers. The Federal Reserve found it had a small negative impact on GDP.
Claim: Tariffs Drive Down Prices
Reality: Tariffs usually increase, not decrease, prices.
Why?
- Higher import costs: Tariffs directly raise the price of foreign goods.
- Less competition: Domestic producers face less price pressure, which can lead to higher prices, not lower.
- Ripple effect: Inputs (like steel, microchips, etc.) become more expensive, raising production costs for everything from cars to washing machines.
Evidence:
• A 2019 study from the National Bureau of Economic Research found that U.S. consumers and businesses bore nearly the entire cost of tariffs imposed during the Trump administration.
• Prices of tariffed goods rose, and in some cases, industries relying on those goods saw reduced output and job losses.
Bottom Line:
Tariffs are not an effective tool to lower prices. PERIOD!!!
They might temporarily protect certain jobs or industries, but they typically raise consumer costs, disrupt trade, and slow economic growth. If inflation is the concern, other tools—like monetary policy, supply chain improvements, or increasing competition—are far more effective and targeted.
