🛒 The Great Costco Tater Tot Debacle

Friends, gather round. I bring you a tale of tragedy, comedy, and carbohydrates.

The mission was simple: one item. Frozen tater tots. That’s it. Not a family-sized pallet of toilet paper, not 47 protein shakes, not even the “seasonal must-have” velvet pumpkin big enough to double as a guest bed. Just tots. Golden, crispy, humble potatoes shaped into bite-sized nuggets of joy destined for a tailgate.

And yet—Costco had none.

ZERO.

ZILCH.

NADA.

Like some dystopian potato famine, the freezer section was barren. The tater tot drought of 2025 is real, and my soul is scarred.

The Cart of Shame

Now, logic would suggest that upon realizing the absence of tots, one should immediately exit the building, dignity intact. Instead, here’s what happened:

I left with a cart that looked like I was preparing for the end of civilization and hosting a bake sale at the same time. Let me recap the evidence of my downfall:

• Bananas, because clearly we’re marathon runners now.
• A loaf of artisan bread roughly the size of a toddler.
• Enough BelVita breakfast biscuits to build a small adobe house.
• A suspiciously large box labeled “Pumpkin Something” because hey, fall is coming.
• Raisins the size of cinder blocks, as if anyone in 2025 has ever said, “Gosh, you know what this party needs? More raisins.”
• Greek yogurt, the industrial tub edition

And then there’s the pièce de résistance: a random embroidery kit tossed on top like I’m suddenly going to cross-stitch a doily while crying about my missing tater tots.

Costco: The Black Hole of Good Intentions

This is the genius of Costco. You go in for one item and leave with a 400-pound cart that requires a small forklift to get to your car. The store is like a psychological experiment: How many random oversized items will a human buy while under fluorescent lighting and the faint smell of rotisserie chicken?

Apparently, my number is “all of them.”

Tailgate Without Tots

So here I am, heading to a tailgate with a cartload of… what exactly?

• “Hey guys, instead of tots, I brought you raisins and embroidery floss!”
• “And look, yogurt for everyone! Nothing says football like probiotics.”

The crowd will be thrilled.

The Moral of the Story

In conclusion: never trust Costco with a single-item mission. The shelves will betray you, and you’ll be left with a grocery cart full of things you didn’t know you needed and can’t explain to anyone else.

And yet… I’ll be back next week. Because what if the tots arrive? What if this was just a blip, and next Saturday the freezer is overflowing with golden, crispy redemption?

Until then, I’ll be over here making raisin kabobs and practicing embroidery at the tailgate.

Final score: Costco 1, Me 0.

Julie Bolejack, MBA

P.S. I’ll head to Kroger for some frozen tots! I will not be deterred!