The Great “D” Purge - A Monumental Step Backward!

Today’s Letter February 11, 2025

Ladies and gentlemen, gather ’round and bear witness to the latest and greatest innovation in political thought—nay, a revelation so bold, so daring, so magnificently absurd that it belongs in the annals of history next to the discovery of fire and the invention of the Snuggie.

Yes, my fellow Americans, it seems we are now in the era of D-struction, the righteous obliteration of the most nefarious letter in our alphabet—D for Diversity—as part of the ongoing crusade to refine, purify, and most importantly, whitewash the American experience.

Now, I know what you’re thinking:
“But sir, diversity is the very thing that built this great nation!”
Ah, my dear, sweet, historically literate friend, you underestimate the sheer, unadulterated, industrial-grade stupidity of those who now seek to smite diversity from the land like some Biblical plague against Pharaoh’s Egypt.

The Grand Strategy: A World Without “D”

Let us examine, with the keen eye of a scholar and the weary sigh of a thinking person, what eliminating “D” truly means. Surely, we cannot stop at just removing it from DEI (Diversity, Equity, and Inclusion). Oh no, that would be weak. We must commit to the cause. Purge the “D” from everything!

Phase 1: Eradicate the Word “Diversity”

Since the powers that be (or at least the ones with the cognitive range of a turnip) have determined that diversity is no longer a virtue but a plague, we must remove it from our vocabulary altogether.

No more diversity in schools, workplaces, or neighborhoods! A utopia of sameness awaits us, where one shall never encounter a thought, a face, or an experience different from one’s own. What joy! What monotony! What an absolute festival of mediocrity!

But wait—this means no diverse stock portfolios either. I do hope those billionaires supporting this lunacy are prepared to put all their investments in one company and just see how that works out.

Phase 2: Remove “D” From the Alphabet

If we truly wish to be thorough, we must now attack the letter itself. No more D! From this moment forward, the great city of Dallas shall be referred to as “allas,” democracy shall be reduced to “emocracy” (which, frankly, feels disturbingly appropriate), and the ever-patriotic “Donald” shall be forced to go by “Onal Trump.”

And of course, “DEI” shall become “EI”—which sounds like the noise one makes upon stepping on a Lego, a fitting representation of the pain and stupidity this policy inflicts upon the nation.

Phase 3: The Elimination of Anything Different

No “D” means no differences. We must ensure that every person thinks alike, looks alike, and acts alike. Creativity? Gone. Innovation? Dead. Progress? Well, we’ve been dragging that corpse behind us for years now.

We must strive for the singular vision of a world where nothing unexpected ever happens, where life is a static, colorless void of sameness. A place where books go unread (too many dissenting ideas), travel is abolished (too many foreign influences), and society crumbles under the weight of its own artificial uniformity.

And if that isn’t the American dream, well, I don’t know what is!

The Great Irony: Who’s Next?

Now, I must inquire—who, pray tell, will be targeted next? If diversity is too dangerous for the fragile minds of the ruling class, then surely equity must be next. Who needs fairness when we have power, right? And once we’re done with that, well, inclusion seems awfully suspicious too.

Before you know it, the only letters remaining in the grand ideology of “DEI” will be E and I—which, if rearranged, spells “IE,” an abbreviation for Ignorant Elitism.

The Bottom Line

This crusade against the letter “D” is not just about policy. It is about rewriting history, dismantling the very idea that different people with different ideas should ever share space or opportunity. It is about ensuring that power remains where it has always been—in the hands of those terrified by the idea that others might one day hold it, too.

So let us celebrate the elimination of diversity! Let us cheer for the glorious return to a time when the world was smaller, narrower, and overwhelmingly mediocre. Let us bask in the idiocy of it all, knowing full well that in the great struggle between progress and regression, we have chosen to sprint backward with astonishing enthusiasm.

And when the dust settles, when the “D” is officially banished, and the nation sits atop its self-imposed throne of ignorance, we can only hope someone remembers to ask…

“What happens when there’s no one left to blame?”

Julie Bolejack, MBA

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