THE GREAT REPUBLICAN COSPLAY TOUR: POLITICS, PAGEANTRY, and PPE

Starring Kristi Noem, Local Boy Jefferson Shreve, and a Cast of Thousands Who Pretend to Work for You!

Well folks, gather ’round the freedom fryer and let me tell you about the latest performance art piece from your friendly neighborhood Republican representatives. No, they’re not writing critically needed legislation or solving problems—they’re too busy doing what they do best: playing dress-up and pretending it counts as governance.

Let’s start local:

My Congressman Jefferson Shreve (R-Blandsville) has been spotted at yet another behind scenes tour this time looking like an extra in Contagion 2: The Grit-Free Sequel. Behold the glory in the attached image:

👨‍🔬 White paper lab coat? Check.

🦺 No actual work being done? Double check.

👓 Protective goggles to shield his eyes from actual policy responsibility? Triple check.

Yes, friends, this is what legislating looks like in 2025. The cosplay rotation includes:

• 🦺 Factory Dad: safety vest, hard hat, vague nod about “job creators.”
• 👨‍🌾 Farm Fashionista: boots, rolled-up sleeves, zero knowledge of crop subsidies.
• 🧑‍🔬 Lab Rat Republican: cleanroom couture with no clean energy plan in sight.
• 🐎 MAGA Marlboro Man: cowboy hat, endangered animal hide, and the ability to lie to your face with a firm handshake.

And let us not forget the queen of cosplay herself:

Kristi Noem, who’s taken cosplay to a national level—posing with guns, Bible verses, prisoners, and taxidermied family values. She’s like the spirit Halloween store of political posturing. One minute she’s a rancher, the next a border security expert (from South Dakota?), then a pandemic-era science denier in a lab coat holding a Bunsen burner upside-down.

This is not leadership. This is not governing.

This is political LARPing, and the only real casualty is your public services.

While they’re out there making TikToks in Tyvek suits, here’s what they’re not doing:

• Voting for affordable healthcare ✅ (Too socialist.)
• Protecting veterans beyond the annual “coin ceremony” ✅ (Too expensive.)
• Regulating corporate corruption or insider trading ✅ (Too personal, obviously.)

Instead, they’re turning Congressional service into a traveling Renaissance Fair of Bad Priorities, where your Congressman is more likely to be found in a beekeeper suit than a budget meeting.

So what can you do while they play pretend?

📞 Call their office and ask what actual legislation they’ve authored this year (you’ll hear crickets).

📸 Post their cosplay pics and ask, “What exactly are you doing here besides dressing up?”

🗳️ And most importantly—VOTE like your democracy depends on it. Because spoiler alert: it does.It’s

Until next time,

Stay safe, stay sarcastic, and don’t drink the beaker juice.

—Julie Bolejack, MBA

P.S. If my Congressman shows up next week in a NASA flight suit to “tour the economic stratosphere,” I’m applying for a grant to launch him there.