The ‘I’ Stands Alone: A Celebration of the Death of DEI

Ladies and gentlemen, rejoice! We have done it. We have cleansed our society of the most dangerous, most radical, most utterly terrifying concepts ever conceived: Diversity, Equity, and Inclusion.

The D is dead! No more pesky variety in thought, background, or culture. Sameness is our new national aesthetic, beige, predictable, and as thrilling as a mayonnaise sandwich.

The E has been erased! Fairness is officially a relic of the past, like Blockbuster or basic human decency. Now, success is based purely on how well-connected your ancestors were.

And that leaves us with one, glorious, lonely little letter:

I.

Standing tall, standing proud, standing completely alone. The last survivor of DEI.

Oh, what a victory this is! The battlefield is littered with the corpses of opportunity, justice, and progress, but don’t you worry! Inclusion has bravely, miraculously survived!

But wait, inclusion of what, exactly?

Phase 1: Inclusion, But Only for the Chosen Few

Ah, my friends, you must understand, when we say conclusion we don’t mean for everyone.

Oh no, no, no. That would be madness. That would be diversity. And we just got rid of that disgusting concept!

Now, inclusion means welcoming only the right kind of people, those who already belong, those who fit the mold, those who never, ever make anyone uncomfortable by being different.

Gone are the days of trying to make workplaces, schools, and communities more welcoming for everyone. We shall now include only those who don’t challenge the status quo.

That means:

The country club remains as exclusive as ever.

The boardroom stays just as homogeneous as it‘s always been.

The leadership pipeline still consists of the same ten families who have run everything since the Industrial Revolution.

And you know what? That’s so much easier than trying to make room for new voices!

Diversity required effort. Equity required accountability. But Inclusion? Inclusion now means we just pretend we’re welcoming, while making sure the guest list stays the same.

Phase 2: The Corporate Inclusion Without the Hard Part

Oh, and let’s talk about our beloved corporations.

They are THRILLED.

No more diversity reports! No more equity initiatives! No more pesky HR policies about fair hiring practices.

But don‘t worry, they’re still keep their Inclusion Committee. It‘s just one guy named Chad, and his job is to make sure nobody sues the company.

Meanwhile, the rest of the employees can go back to exactly how things used to be where only a select few have access to promotions, leadership, and high salaries. But hey, they‘ll include you in their annual email blast about belonging so that’s something, right?

Phase 3: The Death of ‘I’ The Logical Conclusion

Now, let‘s be honest with ourselves. We all know where this is going.

With Diversity and Equity out of the way, how long do we think Inclusion is actually going to last?

What‘s the point of inclusion if there’s s no one different to include?

Who needs inclusion if there‘s no fairness to build on?

The answer is simple: We don’t

And so, dear Inclusion, you fought bravely, but we must now bid you farewell. You were never meant to survive on your own. You needed Diversity to expand perspectives. You needed Equity to ensure fairness. Without them, you are an empty, meaningless shell.

But fear not! We shall replace DEI with something far more fitting for the times:

PPO: Power, Privilege, and Oppression

A system so much simpler, so much more honest. No more pretense, no more false promises. Just the good old-fashioned hierarchy, fully restored to its former glory.

So let‘s celebrate! We are free from the shackles of progress! We are liberated from the horrors of fairness! No more pesky changes, no more difficult conversations just the comforting embrace of the past, where everything was simpler (for a very specific group of people).

DEI is dead. Long live the status quo.

Hashtags (For Those Who Still Believe in Free Speech)

#ByeByeDEI #InclusionWithoutEquityIsFake #DystopiaByDesign #PrivilegeProtection #BootstrapsOrBust #OnlyTheRichBelong #MeritocracyMyth #PPOIsTheNewDEI