The Tariff Tax Break Bonanza: Get Ready for Your Windfall!

Julie Bolejack

13 Mar 2025 — 1 min read

Dear Fellow Patriots,

Get out your calculators and start planning—because thanks to the brilliant minds in Washington, we are about to be RICH! That’s right, the tariffs on foreign goods are set to soar, and according to the ever-reliable White House Press Secretary, Karoline Leavitt, this means we, the hardworking Americans, are in for huge tax breaks. Finally, economic policy that makes total sense! So I say, bring it! BIG TARIFFS! Don’t stop at 25% - go higher, MUCH higher. 100% 200% or more!!

Now, let’s dream big about how we’ll spend all this extra cash. First on the list? Supporting the ultimate American success story—Elon Musk! That poor man has been viciously attacked by globalists, regulators, and other meanies who just don’t appreciate his genius. The least we can do with our forthcoming tariff-funded tax breaks is to buy a Tesla—or, if we’re feeling extra patriotic, maybe a whole fleet of Cybertrucks (so futuristic, so impractical, so American!).

But wait, there’s more! With all this extra cash rolling in, we can also:

Book a SpaceX trip to Mars—let’s escape Earth before all these imported goods disappear completely!
Invest in Twitter (sorry, X)—Elon needs all the help he can get keeping free speech alive (especially for his besties).
Adopt a baby AI bot—because we all know AI is replacing humans soon anyway, might as well raise one like a pet.
Buy gold, lots of gold—because if tariffs keep going up, at least our gold-plated bunkers will look stylish when the economy totally doesn’t collapse!

So, fellow Americans, let’s raise those tariffs even higher! After all, why stop at tax breaks? Maybe if we add even more tariffs, we’ll get free houses, universal basic income, or maybe even a personal jetpack—because why not dream big?

In Tariffs We Trust,
Julie Bolejack, MBA
Future Tesla Owner & Economic Genius

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