Top 10 Reasons to Ignore the Collapse of Our Government and Economy
I went to the dentist recently. Nice enough guy—white, late 30s, the kind of man whose golf handicap is probably more important to him than, say, voting rights or the climate crisis. While I sat in the chair, mouth wide open and vulnerable, he casually declared, “I don’t watch the news,” in a tone that suggested not just disinterest but active disdain. Like keeping up with current events is for suckers, and he’s far too busy living his best life—procreating and entertaining giggly dental hygienists.
I didn’t say much—hard to mount a rebuttal while someone’s elbow-deep in your molars—but the smug detachment stuck with me. And it got me thinking about all the blissfully unaware, privilege-insulated people like him. So I made a list. A helpful, sarcastic little guide to what I imagine people like my dentist tell themselves while the country burns and the economy circles the drain.
Top 10 Reasons to Ignore the Collapse of Our Government and Economy (as explained by your friendly neighborhood dentist with a firm handshake and zero curiosity):
1. “I Don’t Watch the News.”
Because if you don’t look directly at the fire, it’s not really burning. That’s just how adulting works. Denial isn’t just a river in Egypt—it’s a luxury cruise with complimentary fluoride treatments.
2. “The Market Always Bounces Back.”
Sure, it’s on fire now, but didn’t your 401(k) recover after the last apocalyptic spiral? Just trust the invisible hand of capitalism—it’s definitely not giving you the finger.
3. “I’ve Got a Great CPA.”
Why worry about the economic collapse when Derek, who golfs at the same club, writes off his boat as a ‘business expense’? America may be crumbling, but at least your taxes are optimized.
4. “Both Sides Are Just As Bad.”
A classic. Nothing like equating literal fascism with mildly progressive tax policy to keep your moral high ground and your Tesla charged.
5. “I Just Want to Focus on Positivity.”
Because nothing says spiritual enlightenment like being oblivious to the suffering of others. Inner peace through external ignorance—Namaste, but make it narcissism.
6. “The System Has Always Worked Itself Out.”
Translation: “Historically, it’s always worked out fine for me.” Slavery? Great economy. Depression? Bought low. War? Defense stocks boomed. Collapse? Sounds like a buying opportunity!
7. “My Kids Go to a Good School.”
Well, thank God your offspring are learning calculus and lacrosse while public schools turn into Fallout 4 simulations. As long as your legacy is preserved, who needs society?
8. “I’m Not Political.”
Says the guy whose entire life is a curated exhibit of political privilege. But sure, neutrality is an option when your rights, marriage, and existence aren’t on the ballot.
9. “It’s All Just Noise.”
Yep, and that “noise” is just millions of people screaming about climate disasters, voter suppression, and the death of democracy. But hey—noise-cancelling headphones exist for a reason.
10. “I Just Want to Live My Life.”
Ah yes, the Manifesto of the Comfortable. Freedom means not being inconvenienced by reality. Especially not when there’s a long weekend coming up and the new season of Yellowstone just dropped.
Sigh, Julie Bolejack, MBA
