Trumponomics 101: Let Them Eat Tariffs (But Make Walmart Pay)

Well, folks. Grab your calculators and throw them directly into a bonfire, because apparently math is canceled under Trump’s economic policy.

This week, in what I can only describe as a masterclass in economic delusion, Donald J. Trump suggested that Walmart—you know, that mom-and-pop startup valued at $500 billion—should just “eat the tariff costs” so American consumers don’t have to pay more.

Wait…what?

Yes. You heard it right. The self-proclaimed business genius who ran a steak company into the dirt and thought a fake university was a solid investment strategy now believes tariffs are fine as long as corporations just pretend they don’t exist.

Let’s unpack this tinfoil-wrapped economic wisdom, shall we?

Trump slaps tariffs on foreign goods—especially from China—because, you know, America First, China bad, big strong man stuff. Then, when someone politely explains that tariffs are actually paid by importers (i.e., American companies like Walmart) and not some mysterious Chinese elf, Trump scoffs and says: “Walmart can afford it.”

Brilliant.

Because obviously, Walmart exists to absorb international trade policy costs so that Trump can campaign on empty slogans and pretend he’s sticking it to Beijing while actually just driving up prices on your deodorant, garden hose, and Rice Krispies Treats.

Spoiler alert: when Walmart “eats” costs, they don’t just take a noble financial hit out of patriotism. They pass it right down the food chain—to suppliers, workers, and yep…you. The consumer. Congratulations! You’re now paying a MAGA premium on your toilet paper.

But here’s the real kicker: the guy who cries “inflation!” every five minutes is actively encouraging the kind of economic policy that causes inflation. Let’s raise import taxes, demand corporations absorb costs, and then act shocked when store shelves look like Mad Max and eggs cost $12.

And what happens when Walmart doesn’t eat the costs? Will Trump send Eric over to negotiate? (“Hi, I’m Eric Trump. My dad said to give Americans free TVs or something.”)

The whole thing makes about as much sense as declaring bankruptcy six times and still getting invited to speak at business conferences. Oh wait.

Also, a note to the economists out there: thank you for not exploding on live television. I know your eye twitches every time Trump uses the word “tariff” like it’s a magic wand that makes China hand us free money. Stay strong.

In conclusion: next time you go to Walmart and your shampoo is 20% more expensive, just know that **you’re not paying a tariff—**you’re participating in an elite-level gaslighting exercise designed to turn basic economics into political performance art.

God Bless America’s retail giants. They’ve been through enough.

Julie Bolejack, MBA

P.S. Someone please explain to Trump that when you light the economic house on fire, yelling “Walmart will handle it!” isn’t a solution. It’s just arson with extra steps.