Welcome to the United States of Malice: The Land of Petty Power Plays and Spiteful Governance

1 Rule: If You Can’t Win, Make Everyone Else Lose

Forget life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness—those are relics of a bygone era when people actually thought governing meant improving lives. In today’s America, under the glorious and not-at-all unhinged leadership of Elon Musk, Donald Trump, and his merry band of chaos agents, the real guiding principle is malice. Pure, unfiltered, vengeful, small-minded, self-serving malice.

Why lead with wisdom when you can rule with revenge? Why solve problems when you can just punish people for pointing them out? Why uplift when you can delight in the downfall of your enemies (real or imagined)?

This isn’t just a political shift. It’s a cultural movement—one built on the sacred doctrine that if you can’t make things better for yourself, you can at least make them miserable for everyone else. And guess what? It works!

So let’s take a moment to celebrate the Top 5 Benefits of Malicious Leadership that are making America great again—one spiteful, chaotic move at a time.

1. Petty Revenge is the New Justice System

Who needs boring, old-school institutions like courts or laws when we have personal vendettas driving policy? From Musk personally tanking Twitter (sorry, “X”) just to prove he’s the smartest guy in the room, to Trump running his political campaign like a Real Housewives reunion special—justice is now a game of who can be the most vindictive in public.

Guilty of crimes? Who cares—just claim it’s a witch hunt and defund the people investigating you. Disagree with someone online? Buy their company and run it into the ground. Have a personal grudge against an entire state? Threaten to cut off their disaster relief funds!

The rule of law is for weaklings. True power is in using taxpayer dollars to settle personal scores while your supporters cheer you on like it’s WWE SmackDown.

1. Public Policy is Now a Middle-School Bully’s Dream Journal

Remember when policies were based on research, data, or even basic human decency? Lol, losers. In Malice America™, we make decisions based on pure, undiluted pettiness.
• Homelessness problem? Ban being homeless. Boom. Fixed.
• Climate change getting worse? Open up more drilling sites and tell everyone who recycles they’re “woke.”
• Healthcare crisis? Ban doctors from saying the word “abortion” and call it a victory.

If a policy isn’t cruel, humiliating, or designed to enrage your enemies, why even bother?

1. Corporate Kings Rule & We Are Their Peasants

The best part about Musk-Trump governance is that we are finally free from the burden of democracy! Elections, regulations, and worker rights? Get real. The real power lies in the Tech Billionaire-Political Ego Complex where the ultra-rich run the show with no checks or balances.

Elon can single-handedly tank his own companies, fire thousands on a whim, and act like he’s the champion of free speech—right up until someone criticizes him. Meanwhile, Trump and his orbit are building an entire movement around the idea that the only acceptable election outcome is the one where he wins.

Why have a government for the people when we can have a government for guys who launch rockets for fun and sell $99 gold sneakers to their followers?

1. Truth is Whatever Your Favorite Grifter Says It Is

Gone are the days when we needed things like facts, science, or expertise. Now, truth is whatever sounds the best to your fan base and gets the most engagement.

The economy? “Best in history” (even if your rent is two grand for a shoebox).
Climate change? “A hoax” (until your house floats away in a hurricane).
COVID? “Totally over” (except for the thousands still dying, but shhh).

As long as you say it with confidence—and maybe sell some NFTs alongside it—reality is just an optional suggestion.

1. The Best Jobs are for the Least Qualified People

Nepotism and grifting used to be frowned upon, but Malice America™ has rebranded them as “disrupting the system.” Why hire people who actually know what they’re doing when you can appoint grifters, conspiracy theorists, and people with zero relevant experience?

Examples:
• A guy who ran a pillow company? Election security expert.
• A failed car dealership owner? In charge of major state funds.
• A collection of family members with zero qualifications? The White House inner circle.

And let’s not forget Musk’s ability to fire all the engineers and replace them with vibes—because who needs technical expertise when you have raw self-confidence and stock options?

Welcome to the Future, Where Malice is King

Sure, other countries might focus on innovation, infrastructure, or human rights—but that’s so passé. In America, we now run on pure, turbocharged pettiness. If you’re not making someone else’s life harder, are you even contributing to society?

So sit back, enjoy the spectacle, and remember: The worse things get, the more it’s actually your fault for questioning the system.

Julie Bolejack , MBA