When Better Isn’t Enough

Let’s talk about that gut-punch moment we’ve all had: you’re the most qualified, the most prepared, the most deserving—and yet, someone else gets the opportunity because the decision-maker’s bias tilted the scales.

You did the work. You had the numbers. You even brought the cupcakes to the meeting. Still, you walked away empty-handed because someone’s “favorite” got the nod.

It’s maddening. But it’s also more common than most people admit.

The Reality of Bias

Bias doesn’t always wear a name tag. It doesn’t always announce itself in neon lights. Sometimes it’s subtle:

• “She just feels like a better culture fit.”
• “He reminds me of myself at that age.”
• “We’ve always gone with people like them before.”

Translation: the decision had little to do with merit and everything to do with personal comfort zones, unchallenged stereotypes, or old-boy networks that haven’t gotten the memo that it’s 2025.

And the kicker? Bias is often unconscious. That doesn’t make it less damaging. It just means the person who passed you over can sip their coffee guilt-free while you sit there questioning your worth.

The Fallout

Getting passed over hits on multiple levels:

• Professional sting: You lose the job, the promotion, or the contract you were objectively better qualified for.
• Personal blow: It chips away at your confidence, leaving you wondering if being “better” actually matters.
• Emotional tax: The frustration lingers, often turning into quiet resentment—toward the system, the gatekeepers, and sometimes even yourself.

It’s not just about missing one opportunity. It’s about what it signals: that sometimes, the game isn’t fair no matter how well you play.

The Trap of Self-Blame

Here’s the dangerous part—when bias shuts a door, too many of us immediately turn inward. What did I do wrong? Maybe I should have smiled more. Maybe I wasn’t assertive enough. Maybe I was too assertive.

No. Stop right there.

This is exactly what bias counts on—that you’ll internalize the rejection instead of recognizing the system at play. You didn’t lose because you were lacking. You lost because the decision wasn’t made on merit. That distinction matters.

How to Respond

So what do you do when you’re objectively better, but still overlooked?

1. Name it (at least to yourself). Call bias what it is. Don’t let it morph into a story about your inadequacy.
2. Document your wins. Keep receipts—metrics, testimonials, results. Not just for your ego, but for the next opportunity when you need to show, without question, that you are the best candidate.
3. Decide whether to confront or conserve. Sometimes bias is worth addressing head-on (“Help me understand why this decision was made”), and sometimes the wiser move is to conserve your energy for a stage that actually deserves you.
4. Broaden your gatekeepers. One biased decision-maker doesn’t own your future. Build networks where your excellence isn’t filtered through someone else’s blind spots.
5. Remember your value is not up for debate. Recognition is nice. Opportunity is nice. But your worth isn’t dictated by who did or didn’t pick you.

The Long Game

Here’s the hard truth: you can’t always fix bias. But you can outlast it. You can keep showing up, keep delivering, keep being the better choice—even when the world takes its sweet time catching up.

The irony is, people with bias often end up exposed. Their “favorite” underperforms, their narrow vision costs them talent, and eventually, someone higher up starts asking, “Why aren’t we promoting the person who keeps getting results?”

Your job is not to crumble while you wait. Your job is to keep your skills sharp, your voice steady, and your confidence intact. Because bias doesn’t get the final word—you do.

Closing Thought

Being passed over because of bias is infuriating. But it’s also proof of something important: you are operating at a level that threatens the status quo. If you weren’t excellent, bias wouldn’t have to step in to hold you back.

So yes, let yourself feel the sting. But then, channel it. Build your case. Broaden your stage. And remember: when bias plays favorites, it only delays the inevitable. Excellence always breaks through.

Julie Bolejack, MBA