Lean Toward Yes

Part Three of my three-part series: Lean Toward Yes

We’ve spent this week talking about one small word.

Yes.

Monday, we talked about our automatic no.

Wednesday, we talked about regret—and why the things we didn’t do can stay with us far longer than the mistakes we made trying.

So today I want to tell you where I’ve landed.

I’m going to keep leaning toward yes.

Not Recklessly. Hopefully.

Before anyone gets carried away, I need to clarify something.

I’m not recommending saying yes to everything.

Please don’t finish this newsletter, buy a llama, invest your retirement savings in your neighbor’s nephew’s cryptocurrency startup and tell everyone:

“Julie told me to lean toward yes.”

Julie did no such thing.

Wisdom matters.

Boundaries matter.

Health matters.

Money matters.

Instinct matters.

And sometimes no is the bravest, healthiest answer available to us.

I’m talking about something different.

I’m talking about refusing to let fear make every decision.

When something unfamiliar appears, don’t let fear answer before curiosity gets a chance to speak.

Instead of:

What if it goes wrong?

Try:

What if it goes right?

Instead of:

Why should I?

Try:

Why shouldn’t I?

Instead of:

I’m too old.

Try:

I wonder what I’m still capable of?

That last one matters to me.

We’re Still Here

These are difficult times.

Many of us are deeply concerned about what’s happening in our country and decisions being made by this administration. We’re worried about institutions we’ve counted on, rights and protections we believed were settled, and what kind of country we’re leaving to younger generations.

And then there’s ordinary life.

We’re aging.

Our bodies occasionally send us memos we most certainly did not request.

People we love get sick.

Relationships change.

Finances change.

Children grow up.

Grandchildren grow up.

Friends move.

People die.

There are plenty of reasons to retreat.

Which is exactly why I think we have to resist allowing darkness to make our lives smaller.

Joy is not ignorance.

Planning something wonderful doesn’t mean you aren’t paying attention.

You can care deeply about democracy and still plant tomatoes.

You can worry about the world and still book the trip.

You can grieve someone you’ve lost and still laugh until your stomach hurts.

You can be furious about injustice and invite friends over for dinner.

You can acknowledge your age and begin something completely new.

These things are not contradictions.

They are life.

I Want New Material

I’ve been reinventing myself for a long time.

Not always intentionally.

Sometimes life did the reinventing for me.

But somewhere along the way, I learned not to confuse an ending with being finished.

That’s what Bloom Again is about.

It’s what Now What? is about.

And frankly, it’s what I’m still living.

I’m writing.

Creating.

Learning.

Trying things.

Making mistakes.

Changing my mind.

Starting things I have absolutely no business knowing how to do until I learn how to do them.

And that’s okay.

Because I don’t want the final chapters of my life to consist entirely of rereading the earlier ones.

I want new material.

Don’t you?

Let’s Make a Yes List

We have to-do lists.

Grocery lists.

Bucket lists.

Medication lists.

Lists of passwords that we put somewhere very safe and consequently can never find again.

So let’s create another one.

The Yes List.

What could you say yes to during the next year?

Yes to traveling somewhere you’ve never been.

Yes to learning something you’re terrible at.

Yes to taking the class.

Yes to calling someone.

Yes to meeting someone new.

Yes to sending the manuscript.

Yes to painting.

Yes to starting the little business.

Yes to going alone if nobody else wants to go.

Yes to changing your mind.

Yes to being a beginner.

Yes to wearing the swimsuit.

Yes to dancing badly.

Yes to asking for help.

Yes to accepting help.

Yes to friendship.

Yes to love.

Yes to adventure.

Yes to dessert.

I’m particularly committed to that last one.

But here’s the important part:

Your Yes List doesn’t need to be dramatic.

Maybe yes means walking into a new coffee shop.

Going to dinner alone.

Joining a group.

Taking an online class.

Inviting someone over.

Planting something.

Starting a journal.

Learning how to use some maddening piece of technology you’ve been avoiding.

Sometimes a tiny yes opens a surprisingly large door.

Fall Forward

I’ve become increasingly fond of this idea:

Fall forward.

If you’re going to make mistakes—and you will—make some of them while moving toward something.

If you’re going to misjudge something—and you will—let it occasionally be because you believed something wonderful might happen.

If you’re going to have regrets—and every human being does—maybe let a few of them be:

“Well, THAT certainly didn’t go as planned.”

Those stories frequently become funny.

The harder sentence is:

“I always wished I had.”

Because sometimes there isn’t another invitation.

Sometimes circumstances change.

Sometimes our bodies change.

Sometimes the people we planned to do something with aren’t here anymore.

Sometimes the opportunity disappears.

Sometimes someday quietly becomes never.

So yes carries risk.

But here’s what I’ve realized:

No carries risk, too.

The risk of reaching the later chapters of our lives surrounded by roads we could have traveled but didn’t.

I’m willing to take my chances with yes.

There Are Mornings We Haven’t Seen Yet

That’s the part I don’t want us to forget.

There are still people we haven’t met.

Places we haven’t seen.

Things we haven’t learned.

Books we haven’t read.

Meals we haven’t shared.

Ideas we haven’t tried.

Conversations we haven’t had.

Chances we haven’t taken.

And mornings we haven’t even seen yet.

We don’t know what they’ll bring.

That’s rather the point.

So when one of those mornings brings an unexpected invitation, an interesting possibility, or a slightly crazy idea, maybe don’t wrinkle your nose quite so quickly.

Give yourself a minute.

Let curiosity into the room.

And before fear gets the final vote, ask:

What might happen if I say yes?

You don’t know.

Neither do I.

But I’m still curious enough to find out.

Lean toward yes.

There’s still life out there waiting for us.

— Julie Bolejack,MBA| Author | The Bloom Again Collection

Thank you for spending part of your week with me.

If these conversations about reinvention, aging, possibility and what comes next resonate with you, you’ll find much more at JulieBolejack.com—including my books, podcast and latest writing.

And if you’re reading because someone forwarded this newsletter to you, I’d love to have you join us. Visit JulieBolejack.com and subscribe.

One final assignment:

Write down three things you’re going to say YES to before this year is over.