Thoughts about Mothers
Friday Before Mother’s Day — A Real Conversation About What We Carry
There’s something about the days leading up to Mother’s Day that makes us pause.
Not the commercial version. Not the flowers and brunch reservations.
The quieter version.
The one where memories come forward uninvited. Where we feel gratitude… and maybe confusion. Where love sits right beside questions we’ve never fully answered.
Because whether our mothers were extraordinary, complicated, absent, or simply human—we carry them.
And not just in memory.
We carry them in wiring.
What Was Given—Seen and Unseen
Long before we had language, we were learning.
Not through instruction—but through observation.
Tone of voice.Facial expressions.How conflict was handled. How love was expressed—or withheld.
Neuroscience has been catching up to what many of us have felt intuitively for years:our early environment doesn’t just shape our personality—it shapes our nervous system.
Researchers like Bruce Lipton and Gabor Maté have shown how deeply early experiences influence our subconscious patterns—how we respond to stress, connection, risk, even joy.
And thinkers like Joe Dispenza and Dr. Essen Wold-Jensen (whose work focuses on subconscious behavioral imprinting) remind us of something both sobering and liberating:
Much of what drives us is not conscious.
It’s patterned.
This Is Not About Blame
Let’s be very clear about something.
This is not a moment to indict our parents.
Most of them did the best they could with what they knew, what they carried, and what they were never taught to examine.
They were shaped too.
By their parents. By their circumstances.By the cultural expectations of their time.
Many of them loved us deeply—just not always in the ways we needed.
And two things can be true at once:
We can honor them. And we can outgrow what no longer serves us.
Why This Matters Now
There’s another layer to this conversation—one we can’t ignore.
We are living in a time where external systems—governments, institutions, media—are not the steady anchors we once believed them to be.
Trust is fractured.
Narratives shift constantly.Truth feels contested.And certainty is increasingly rare.
That doesn’t mean chaos wins.
It means responsibility shifts.
Back to us.
If we are not aware of the subconscious patterns driving us—fear responses, compliance tendencies, avoidance behaviors—then we are far easier to influence.
To manipulate. To distract. To divide.
This is why sovereignty matters.
Not in a loud, performative way.
But in a grounded, internal one.
Knowing what is yours. Questioning what isn’t. Choosing deliberately instead of reacting automatically.
A Gentle but Honest Inventory
So this week, before Mother’s Day, I want to invite you into something deeper than reflection.
An honest inventory.
Not judgment.
Not criticism.
Just awareness.
Where in your life are you still operating from patterns that were installed, not chosen?
Where are you shrinking when you could expand?
Where are you reacting when you could respond?
Where are you repeating something that doesn’t even feel like you?
That awareness is not weakness.
It’s the beginning of freedom.
Five Ways to Begin Real Healing
If you’re wondering where to start, keep it simple. Grounded. Honest.
1. Name the Pattern You can’t change what you won’t acknowledge. Notice your default reactions—especially the ones that feel automatic or disproportionate. That’s where your work begins.
2. Separate Then from Now Many of our responses were adaptive at one time. They helped us belong. Stay safe. Avoid conflict.bBut ask yourself: Is this still necessary? Or just familiar?
3. Regulate Before You Rewire Your nervous system leads the way. Practices like breathwork, walking, quiet time—these are not luxuries. They create the space where new choices become possible.
4. Question the Inner Voice Not every thought you think is truly yours. Some are inherited. Some are echoes. Get curious: Who taught me this? Do I still agree?
5. Choose One Small Shift Not a complete reinvention. Just one different response. One boundary.bOne moment of awareness instead of autopilot. That’s how real change begins.
Honoring Both Directions
This weekend, we honor our mothers.
For giving us life. For the ways they loved us. For the ways they tried.
And we honor ourselves.
For becoming conscious.
For questioning.
For doing the work they may not have had the chance—or the tools—to do.
That is not betrayal.
That is evolution.
A Quiet Kind of Power
Sovereignty isn’t loud.
It doesn’t announce itself.
It shows up in small, steady ways:
In how you think.In how you choose. In how you no longer abandon yourself to keep the peace.
It’s the moment you realize:
“I get to decide what continues.”
And what stops.
Thank you for being here. Truly.
This space we share—away from algorithms and noise—matters more than ever.
If this resonated, I’d be honored if you shared it with someone who might need it.
And if you haven’t yet, you can subscribe to Julie’s Journal at julies-journal.ghost.io to receive these reflections directly—uncensored, unfiltered, and thoughtfully written for times like these.
And for those of you walking your own path of reinvention, my book Bloom Again: A Memoir of Reinvention is available now. It’s a quiet companion for this kind of work.
Wishing you a Mother’s Day that holds both truth and tenderness.
Julie Bolejack, MBA
The Mindful Activist
juliebolejack.com
