You’re Wasting Your Time Trying to Change Them—Here’s What Actually Works

There is a particular kind of exhaustion that comes from arguing with people who are not arguing in good faith.

You know it. You’ve felt it. The circular conversations. The shifting goalposts. The shrugging dismissal of facts that would have shattered your worldview if the roles were reversed. You leave those exchanges not enlightened, not connected, but depleted.

So let’s say something plainly, without apology.

You are not required to spend your energy trying to convert people who have already made their peace with what this administration represents.

That is not where the work is.

And more importantly, that is not where the win is.

For years now, many of us have operated under the assumption that if we just found the right words, the right article, the right tone—firm but kind, factual but not condescending—we could reach across the divide and bring people back.

But here is the uncomfortable truth.

Many of those people are not confused.

They are not misinformed in the way we wish they were.

They are choosing this.

Some are drawn to the rhetoric because it validates prejudices they were taught never to say out loud. Some are anchored in a version of religion that has fused itself to power and hierarchy. Some are simply hungry to belong to something that feels strong, decisive, and triumphant. Some know exactly what is being said and done—and they have decided it is acceptable.

You cannot argue someone out of a position they did not reason themselves into.

And continuing to try is not noble. It is misdirected.

Every hour spent trying to convince someone who has already decided is an hour not spent reaching someone who hasn’t.

That is where the work is.

There are millions of people in this country who are not locked into ideology. They are busy. They are overwhelmed. They are skeptical of politics in general. They don’t watch every speech or read every headline. They don’t argue online. They are not waving flags on street corners.

They are reachable.

But they are not going to be reached by your argument with your cousin on Facebook.

They are going to be reached by clarity. By consistency. By calm, grounded truth. By someone in their real life who makes it easy to understand what is at stake and what to do about it.

If your goal is to loosen the grip this administration has on our democracy, then the strategy must change.

Stop debating the immovable.

Start mobilizing the movable.

That means voter registration. Not once. Not as a symbolic act. Repeatedly, intentionally, relentlessly.

It means asking the quiet person in your circle if they are registered. It means helping them check. It means following up, not assuming.

It means making a plan for voting. Not just “you should vote,” but “when are you going, and do you need a ride?”

It means understanding that turnout is not automatic. It is built.

The other side understands this. They have built systems, networks, habits. They do not rely on last-minute inspiration. They rely on discipline.

We have to match that.

And yes, this requires letting go of something.

It requires letting go of the illusion that everyone is persuadable if we just try harder.

It requires accepting that some people will watch the same events unfold and walk away with entirely different conclusions—and that no amount of evidence will bridge that gap.

It is frustrating. It is infuriating. It can feel like a betrayal of everything you believe about human decency and shared reality.

But it is also clarifying.

Because once you stop trying to move what will not move, you can focus entirely on what will.

You can invest your energy where it has impact.

You can become effective.

There is a quiet power in that shift.

Instead of one exhausting argument, you have five meaningful conversations.

Instead of trying to dismantle someone’s identity, you are helping someone else step into their agency.

Instead of spinning in place, you are moving something forward.

And here is the part that matters most.

Elections are not decided by who wins arguments.

They are decided by who shows up.

Not who feels the most strongly. Not who posts the most passionately. Not who has the cleverest rebuttal.

Who shows up.

So if you are tired, good. That means you care.

But let’s redirect that care into something that works.

Remind someone.

Drive someone.

Walk alongside someone who feels unsure and show them how simple the process can be.

Make it personal. Make it consistent. Make it real.

Because the path forward is not through the people who have already chosen this.

It is through the millions who have not yet fully chosen anything at all.

They are not loud. They are not organized. They are not always paying attention.

But they are there.

And if they show up, everything changes.

So let others have their endless arguments.

You have more important work to do.

If this resonated with you—if you’re ready to stop spinning your wheels and start making a real impact—I invite you to stay with me.

I write Julie’s Journal for people who are done with noise and ready for clarity. People who want to think, act, and move forward with purpose.

Subscribe at julies-journal.ghost.io

Here’s why it’s worth your time:

Because I won’t waste your energy. You’ll get grounded, thoughtful perspective that helps you focus on what actually matters—not flooded with the outrage cycle.

Because this is a community of people who care—and who act, want to learn and enjoy life. You won’t feel alone!

And because we are building something here. A steadier voice. A clearer path. A way to stay engaged without burning out.

If that’s the kind of space you need right now, come join us.

Julie Bolejack, MBA

Mindful Activist

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